What can I do?

After not writing for so long, I am actually embarrassed to try to start again. I keep thinking that I will be better, I keep making excuses, I keep asking for forgiveness, and then I keep falling back into the same routine. Over the last few months, I have had a pattern of writing for a couple days and then skipping days or weeks before I think about it again. Tonight, I couldn’t even remember the name of the website. Like so many things in my life, I have to admit that once the novelty wore off, I lost interest. Then I met David.

I have told you before that I volunteer occasionally at The Red Barn. It is a resale shop associated with our local food panty. I was there on Friday, sitting behind the counter, wishing I could be home. I had hurt my back the day before and being on my feet for 4 hours did not sound like fun. As I tried to find ways to keep busy, an elderly woman walked in with her adult son, David. I learned his name because he introduced himself and asked me my name. I would guess that he was about my age but appeared to have the emotional and intellectual age of a toddler. David wanted me to put down what I was doing and play a clapping game with him.

David and I played his games for awhile, as his mother shopped. He was a very happy man, and repeated several times how proud he was of himself for remembering how to play the game. His mother said that he spends hours every day asking people to play the game with him. His world revolves around mastering the simplest of tasks, and his mother’s life revolves around caring for someone stuck in childhood. It is hard to explain what effect David had on me, but it is 3:00 am and I am sitting here writing about him. And the truly sad thing is, our paths may never cross again.

On June 30th, Red Barn will be closing it’s doors. After serving the community for over 50 years, for reasons I don’t understand, it will cease operations. People who have been shopping there for years, like David’s mom, will have to look somewhere else for help. People whose voice seems to be drowned out by the sound of politics, big egos and shuffling of money. I wish I knew what to do, but I just can’t find a way to fix it. My heart is breaking, yet again.

So as I shut off my computer and try to find sleep, I am going to pray for David and his family. I am going to ask God to watch over all those people that I have had the privilege of meeting and serving during my time at Red Barn. And, I am going to ask Him to help us find a way to continue to help those people when the calendar flips to July.


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