I haven’t been writing much lately. My muse seems to have gone on vacation, or is hibernating. I just haven’t felt like sitting down at my computer and sharing all the strange thoughts that are going through my mind. So today, I am sitting at Ryan’s computer. I am in his room just like I was 1855 days ago right now. I am looking at pictures, and being thankful for that wonderful life.
The other day I was walking through the mall, complaining to myself. Not about anything in particular, just complaining. Then I saw a young man walk by that reminded me of Ryan. He was on his phone, talking and laughing. He was enjoying his day. He was enjoying his life. At that moment my day could have gone one of two ways – I could have melted into a puddle of grief, or I could smile at his infectious laugh. I chose the latter. I chose to enjoy the sound of laughter, one of the many things I miss most about Ryan.
During Ryan’s final days, I made a vow to him. I vowed to carry him with me for my remaining days. I promised to enjoy life for him. I vowed to do things that he never got the chance to do and visit places he didn’t get to visit. I decided then that I would live life to the fullest. Most days I fail at that promise, but I keep trying. Just like everyone walking this planet, I make mistakes and I am still learning and growing.
So today, I am thankful for life. I am thankful for the sunshine. I am thankful for everything and everyone in my life. I am thankful for you.
Thank you for all that I have, and for all the amazing people in my life. Thank you for those who have passed through my world and moved on, and for those who are still here. Help me to remember to tell them all how much they mean to me.
And if you have a chance, please let Ryan know how much I love him.