Yesterday I blogged about being happy. Yesterday, I was happy. But today seems to be a new day. I am not writing this to be a “feel sorry for me” post. Today, I am just melancholy and decided to tell you about it. I know that everyone has days like this and wonder if others feel it too.
Real joy comes not from ease or riches or from the praise of men, but from doing something worthwhile. — Pierre Coneille
That quote defines the reasons behind my mood today. I am feeling like I am in need of doing something worthwhile. For whatever reason, I don’t feel like I am necessarily doing anything of value these days. When I was young, I looked forward to being a mom. Now I have lost a child and I have an adult child who is becoming more independent. I am flailing around looking for purpose. I guess this is what you would call a midlife crisis.
Like I said, I am not looking for sympathy. I am just talking about my mood today. I am sure tomorrow will be better. And this weekend I am going on a womans retreat with some wonderful church friends. I know that I will come home refreshed, renewed and with a new sense of purpose. But tonight, I am going to take some aspirin, hug Ryan’s teddy bear, and ask God for some guidance. Tonight, I am going to listen for that all mighty voice to tell me what he has planned for the next chapter of my life.
I have been feeling blue today, and I am not sure why. Tonight I am going to sit in my favorite chair, with my favorite quilt and Ryan’s bear, and listen for your voice. I am going to close my eyes, and dream of spring flowers. I am going to wait for your guidance.