Today is about me….

Today is one of those days. One of those days I wish I could just stay in bed all day. The weather is perfect, the birds are singing, but I just can’t get motivated to start my day. It is one of those days that I miss Ryan SO much I can hardly breathe. One of those days.

If you have been in our house, you know there are pictures of Ryan everywhere (of course). I talk to them a lot in hopes that wherever he is, he can hear me and knows I am thinking about him. I am used to seeing them and his smile makes me smile. But once in awhile, I look at one and it takes my breath away. It reminds me that he is gone. And my heart breaks all over again.

I would give almost anything and everything to spend one more day with him.

Ryan had an amazing faith. Through everything, he always seemed to know where he was going. He never blamed God and he was ready to meet Him. He knew that we would all be together again, in a better place, without pain. I wish I was as strong as he was. I wish I could be so sure. I wish my faith was stronger.

It is just one of those days.

Tomorrow will come. I pray it will be another beautiful day like today. But for now, I am going to just lay in bed. I am going to hug Ryan’s teddy bear, and shed a few tears. I am going to remember how lucky we were to have him with us for 16 years, and I am going to pray that I get to see him again.

Dear God,
My head and my heart are arguing today. I want to believe that you are there, listening to me. I want to know that I will be there with you someday, but today I am having doubts. Today I am feeling weak. Today the devil is trying to pull me away. Forgive me for not being stronger. Help me to fight my way back to you. Please give me strength and courage. Please help me find peace.
Amen.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Today is about me….

  1. Hey Amy:)
    I think God understands that sometimes we doubt-but really what are we doubting? We aren’t doubting (or not believing) in God and His Love. We are just in moments of sadness.

    I miss my Dad and I wish I had had a better relationship with Mother. This makes me sad. If one of our kids died, I know it would hurt like heck. But we do know that God is real and He will never forsake us. He is with you always. I wish I could comfort you, but I know only God/Jesus/Holy Spirit can do that. But I will lift you up to Him. Only He can give you a peace that no one can understand. Just rest in Him today:)
    Your friend,
    Jan

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s