Today I need to make a confession. Last night I drank too much wine. I went to a friends house, I drank too much wine, and I made a fool of myself. I do that sometimes. I think I am funnier than I really am, and I make a total fool of myself. Luckily for my family and friends, I don’t do it too often. Luckily for me, my friends forgive me.
Yesterday was a nearly perfect day. Kirby and I worked in the yard. The sun was shining, there was a light breeze and the temp was in the low 70’s. When we finished working, I was sitting on the deck thinking how perfect the day was. The only thing that would have made it better would have been if my kids had been here to share the day with me. Mallory was off doing church stuff and Ryan was off doing whatever you do with your days in Heaven.
Then I was hit with a wave of guilt. I felt guilty about thinking the day was perfect even though Ryan wasn’t here. My head tells me that it is okay to enjoy my days, Ryan would want us to go on with our lives. But my heart still mourns for him. My heart wishes he was still here. My heart still breaks some days. Beautiful sunny days and days of big celebrations are some of those days. High school graduation was just another thing that we didn’t get to celebrate with him….
So we finished our yard work, we went to church and then we went to a party. I should have rehydrated with water, not wine. But I didn’t and the rest is history. I am not making light of drinking, I know there are people who struggle with alcohol. And I am not saying that I was drowning my sorrows in wine. I am just saying that was my day. That was my mistakes…
Thank you for beautiful sunny days like yesterday. Thank you for friends, family and reasons to celebrate. Please forgive me for my mistakes. Forgive me for all those things I do that don’t honor you.